Sunday, January 25, 2009

What I've been thinking so far

While I have always been pro-choice, I cannot say that the decision to terminate this unwanted pregnancy came lightly. I have thought through just about every option.

Right now I want to write about why I have not chosen adoption. My thoughts are haphazard right now, mostly because my thinking usually occurs with one or two small children in the background.

1. During my college years there was a terrible adoption case that garnered a huge amount of attention. A highly respected lawyer faked an adoption and kept the baby for himself and his wife. He was abusive to both and eventually beat the child to death at which time the case became a matter of huge public debate. The notion that I could hand my child over to someone else to raise is impossible for me to accept.

2. But what about an open adoption so that I would be able to monitor the raising of said child? I have a friend who chose an open adoption when she became pregnant as a teenager. She still sees that child regularly and has a good relationship with her and her adoptive parents. However, I feel that it would be very difficult to have a relationship with a child, who would be a full sibling to my children, without explaining why I gave the child up. The core reason I am choosing to abort is that I do not want another child. I cannot fathom telling that to a child, yet I cannot imagine concocting some sort of lie to explain my decision.

3. But what about a closed adoption. They do still exist! Umm well sort of. Adoption law is increasingly shifting, as it should IMHO, to giving greater rights to adoptees. I see no guarantee that at some point in the future, I might get a phone call or a knock on a door from the child I gave up. that puts me back to choice #2.

4. From a medical point of view, I am at the beginning of my second trimester and have had no prenatal care. While sick in the fall I took just about every OTC medication you can think of. I am fearful about the potential fetal impact. From the standpoint of my health, I do not have easy pregnancies due to a congenital uterine abnormality. I spent 12 weeks on bedrest during my first pregnancy and both my children were born slightly premature via c-section. To continue this pregnancy would mean many more months in which I would be physically incapacitated and would require that I undergo a fourth uterine surgery. During my last c-section the obstetrician repeatedly remarked that she was happy this pregnancy would be my last since my uterus has a great deal of scar tissue and was paper thin by the end of my pregnancy.

Next up, considering things from the standpoint of me as a mother

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